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Aburrido... y vagabundo:
1. Viste jorts (shorts de mezclilla), camiseta de Texas (fajada), Nikes blancos (con calcetones), y cangurera (de Miami). Pide direcciones al próximo "mercadou".
2. Entra a clases que ni son tuyas, en Universidades a las que ni vas.
3. Lee todo el periódico en un 7-Eleven. Pero "El Sol". Comenta sobre las fotos grotescas a los transeúntes.
4. Vende tu celular. Pero primero anúncialo en los clasificados de masajes de El Norte.
5. Ve a Starbucks y pide un Venti latte vainilla, doble espresso, helado pero con poco hielo, shot de espresso, shot de vainilla, shot de whisky, y con poquititito espacio para leche semidescremada. Haz que te repitan tu orden para confirmar. Tres veces.
6. Ponte una gorra del CENSO 1990 y haz preguntas a gente en la calle. O peor: casa por casa. Pretende que tu iPod es grabadora.
7. Haz reir a un gato. (Es posible).
8. Vende tu pasaporte. De todos modos nunca vas a ningún lado.
Aburrido... y hambriento:
1. Deja de fumar mariguana pero ya.
2. Busca comida y migajas entre los cojines de tu sillón.
3. Ve a un restaurant y negocia platillos ofreciéndote a lavar platos desde un principio. Al menos eres honesto.
4. Tómate los 8 vasos de agua recomendados por día, pero de un jalón.
5. Piensa que eres anoréxico (a).
6. Ve al mercado Juárez: 30 plátanos por $5
Aburrido... y sin pareja:
1. Lánzate al próximo evento en el bar del Crowne Plaza. Pianista maduro, piñas coladas y alfombras de peluche. Algo más?
2. Ve al VIPs más cercano y saca a bailar a señoras al ritmo de la música Mexicana que siempre tienen.
3. Invita a salir a ex-novios (as) de tus papás.
Once upon a time there was a boy who lived in a beautiful palace in India.
This was a very lucky boy, for his parents would each week ask him what he wanted for his allowance and then give it to him.
Of course, mom and dad were sometimes too busy to pay attention to their son and in rare occasions they had given him what they thought was better, even if the boy had asked for something else.
One particular week, when it was time for the boy's parents to ask what he wanted next, he already knew what to say:
- "All I want is an elephant".
His parents looked at him like he was crazy, thinking about how hard it was going to be to get a brand new elephant delivered to the palace just because their son wanted one.
- "But why do you want an elephant for? Can't you play with your friends instead? What about all of your toys?"
The boy's parents considered that an elephant was a little too much to ask so they decided to give their son some money instead... maybe that way he'd stop thinking about the elephant and therefore, he'd also stop bothering them.
So after his parents give him the money, the boy took it straight to his room and tossed it into a huge pile of gold coins he had in a corner, feeling rather mad because he had not asked for money but for an elephant.
A couple of days later, after seeing that their son was still not happy, his parents wondered if he just needed a pet, so they got him a fox.
When the boy saw his present he just didn't know what to do with it and after playing for a while he let it go, still thinking about that elephant he wanted so much...
Wait, did I say elephant or giraffe?
I meant giraffe this whole time.
Anyhow, the week went by and soon it was time again for the boy to make a new request.
His parents, thinking he had forgotten all about the giraffe, asked again:
- "So son, what would you like to have this week?"
And they were very surprised when their son said:
- "I told you, all I want is a giraffe!"
Mom and dad were not happy to hear this. They just didn't think a giraffe was a cool pet to have!
So they tried giving his son even more money (which immediately ended up in the money pile) and so the only thing they got was an angrier child.
So, after doing some serious parent thinking, they decided to get him a lion.
- "A lion?! And what am I supposed to do with a lion??"- asked the boy, hopeless.
So after riding it to school (and after fearing his new pet might one day feel the urge to eat him), the boy let the lion go.
One more week passed by and as the boy was growing more and more restless, he was finally determined to use all of his money to buy the giraffe himself but in the end decided to give his parents one last chance.
Finally on allowance day, the boy went downstairs to meet his parents and was very surprised to find a beautiful giraffe standing in their living room waiting for him!
He was so happy that he spent the next two days riding it and eventually, when the giraffe was well trained and could perfectly hold the boy on its neck, he took it outside.
Getting as close as they could to the tallest tree in their backyard, the boy rode his giraffe one more time while reaching into the upper leaves.
- "At last!! My frisbee! Was this too much to ask?!"
The End.
/////
As told by a very sleepy Jason Schwartz.
I was reading an article telling girls how to snoop into guys lives. You know, "because sometimes you may have to", it said. Hello awkward.
Like it's too hard to figure people out. Plus, going through someone's bookmarks and sock drawers is plain un-fun.
So instead, I thought about humoring the idea by telling you what you'd find about me in the same categories as the article.
Maybe this way I'll encourage you to put it out too and avoid the unnecessary amorous espionage.
The place: The nightstand + drawers
What you'll find: Alarm clock, cute toys, jewelry, cell, books, magazines, articles to read, iPod stuff, post-its, pen, Carmex. Light on until late.
What it means: I usually find myself not being able to sleep.
The place: The work station
What you'll find: Books, books, books, magazines, dictionaries, brochures, posters, post-its, notebooks, tons of office supplies, old receipts, computer stuff, DVDs, magazine articles, boxes with stuff to get inspired to write.
What it means: I love crap.
The place: The medicine cabinet + bathroom
What you'll find: Neosporin, Hello Kitty band-aids, small gauze pads, medium gauze pads, extra large gauze pads, Tylenol, Midol, tons of unused make up, life-long supplies of toothpaste and Victoria's Secret moisturizer tubes. No hard core meds.
What it means: OCD for "always being prepared".
The place: The closet
What you'll find: Sparkling clothes collection, my Jason box, boxes and boxes with soes, drawers and drawers with sweaters, shelves and shelves with accessories. Almost 80% of everything is never used because I'm afraid they'll get dirty on the EL.
What it means: I miss wearing high heels and short skirts in Mexico. I also miss dressing up.
The place: The sock drawers
What you'll find: Only one drawer is for socks and such (...); the other two are filled with purses, clutches, backpacks, and all sorts of pretty bags.
What it means: Ladies first.
The place: The purse
What you'll find: By default- wallet, make up, moisturizer, camera, umbrella, sweater, water, food, candy, tea bags, sunglasses, iPod, passport copy (to avoid deportation at any time), kleenex, gum, pens, post-its. Then I add things according to the occasion.
What it means: I'm such a femalenian.
The place: My side of the fridge + pantry
What you'll find: Milk, OJ, canteloupe, mango, bananas, lettuce, potatoes, apples, broccoli, carrots, cheese, hot sauces, rice, pasta, cajeta, nutella, 5 boxes of cereals, Fiber One, Mexican candy, pretzels, chocolate, cake mix, cookie mix, muffin mix, tortilla mix, opened and unopened Matzoh.
What it means: Hmmmmm
The place: My bookmarks
What you'll find: 30% graphic and web design, 30% writing, 10% interior design, 10% French-Spanish-English, 10% immigration links, 5% girlie stuff, 5% manly stuff. Same goes for my Google Reader.
What it means: I don't have porn.
-What kind of bear is best?
-Teddy bears :)
